Narrative:
The mood is calm, the air is full of the smell of homemade tortillas. I cant help but get distracted by my surroundings. Then I ask her, "So has jelwery making always been a hobby for you"?
Direct quote:
Come sit down, lets talk about your future.
Narrative:
She sits down egarly waiting for the next question im going to ask her. Then suddendly the door bell rings, or is it just the light bulb lighting up at the top of her head.
TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
12 years ago
No 1st or 2nd person, right? I know you just wrote these so I totes understand. Keep trying, you have an awesome story in the making.
ReplyDeleteKathy H.
The first lead starts out good, but I think it might be better if you just describe her, or a quote that she says, rather than having a quote of you asking something to her. However, the first one is the best. I like the first sentence especially.
ReplyDeleteThe first lead is good. It gives the feeling that the reader is actually sitting in on the interview
ReplyDeleteThe first one is fantastic up until you use first person, but if you can keep the first sentence and edit the rest to give us a more complete picture of your subject, that lead would be perfect.
ReplyDeleteI like the first one, I dont really see the how the 2nd and 3rd relate to your story. Maybe you could add a little something about her to them? if not I would go with the first
ReplyDelete